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iwontusethis255 · 11 days ago

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WADDLE HAT FANS I SUMMON THEE, FOR THIS IS...

THE KIRBY AU EVER (stylized as "the kirby au ever.")

CHARACTERS

Kirder (they/them): fanon “kills gods for cake” kirby, no personality, essencially a weapon of mass destruction used by The Queen for whatever endangers the place

Met Nit (he/him): literally the exact same personality but is shittily drawn in ms paint, the text changes for what's funny, but it is physical

Queen Thethethe (The Queen for short, rhymes with Dedede) (she/her): essencially a sassier Dedede in drag, dress changes between shots

Waddle Hat (Wadhat for short, Waddle Dee with a hat for long) (she/her): literally the most milquetoast, basic, average gal, lowest ranking of these 4, as Met Nit is The Queen's left hand, and Kirder is the afformentioned weapon, so she's rarely needed

Mark (he/him): extremely serious. Still in a jester fit for inexplicable reasons, whats his deal

Magolor 2 (he/she): grey and has a red 2 on them, otherwise normal, if not stupid and easy to fool (created by @xmagicalpotatox)

Sussy (she/her): weird holographic angler fish thing attempting to lure people to the shadows. how wacky! what a jokester she is!

The Ranza (she/her): genderbent. Looks identical. more studious and somewhat of an inventor, marital status unknown

Fecto Sapphilis (she/they): once contained being, didn’t revert to “elfilin” as there isnt one, now just hangs around, in lesbians with wadhat

Mropho (they/he): 2010s tumblr sexyman twinkified god (/neg) and probably not much else

Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura (Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura): the main villain.(..?) The Lone Evergreen. WAY too serious for the circumstances, you must refer to Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura only by Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura's name

Rope MF (he/him): An anomaly. really likes ropes. wait... what was I talking about...? (created by @mint-termsandconditions)

Wow! what funny wacky joke characters!

...

What if I gave them serious lore.

LORE

in the ancient past, flora and plantlife grew throughout the world... until Haltmann Co. arrived. with their machinery and aided by a mythical figure named Opho, they had successfully eliminated any and all plant life on the planet, but somehow managed to fail and die off. and in their rubble, on the fiery wings of a butterfly, a single sapling grew from the ash. meanwhile, a lone computer program was left standing, 5U557.exe. this was a failsafe meant to assist the empire should something go wrong, so Sussy began to rebuild an already doomed and deceased populous.

in more recent times, the brilliant scientist The Ranza and her assistant Mark have successfully created The Dimensional Mirror. this device allowed anyone to travel between dimensions. The Ranza allowed her lovely wife to test it out first, with Mark to go with and assist with return. but unfortunately, the woman was lost, and Mark had seen things he was never meant to, and gone mad. The Ranza used the mirror daily to search for her lost love, eventually discovering that intense dimensional travel made the very fabric of reality shake and shutter, so she sadly gave up on finding her love. meanwhile, Mark had adorned himself in jester attire and decided to rule the world to "PROTECT IT FROM THE FLAMES." as he put it. Kirder was easily able to defeat him, and he seems to be back to normal.

more recent now, a gal by the name of Magolor 2 was strolling through the worlds wonderous mushroom forests when she noticed something... the ground was covered with strange flat green oval things... weird... she turned around to try and sell the new find, but tall brown spikes suddenly covered her exit. only one way now. a voice beckoned to her. to follow. to LISTEN. and soon, she came face to face with a life form she could not comprehend. Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura spoke with her, saying that if she helped the tree gain control of this world, she would surely be rewarded. Magolor 2 accepted the offer and was soon overtaken by odd green snake like things puppeting her every motion, and with their powers combined, they attempted to sieze the world. Kirder stopped them immediately, but Magolor 2 continued to serve Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura, now a known threat to The Queen.

This is where Waddle Hat comes in. she had recently passed her Waddle Guard trials with mediocre colors, but since she was the only one who showed up to work past day one, she quickly rose the ranks. until she found a new member of the group. a quaint little fellow, said his name was Rope MF, then proceeded to talk Wadhat's nonexistant ears off with rope trivia. the two have been best friends ever since. one day on a patrol sent by the queen to investigate a weird thing underground, the two found a large crystal with a large being place inside, dormant. Rope MF accidently broke the crystal, and the impossing figure stared down at the two with a glare in their eye. then introduced herself as Fecto Sapphilis.

Days became weeks became months as the 3 became more and more tightly knit, with Wadhat and Sapphilis eventually starting to date. Rope MF is not a good wingman, by the way. regardless, the three frie

Days became weeks became months as the 3 2 became more and more tightly knit, with Wadhat and Sapphilis eventually starting to date. R̸̛̝͐̊̽̆͗̋̃̔̈͛̔͝ơ̴̧̢͔̞̯̥̬̖̱̣̙̖͕̲̠̊̌̏̈̈́̌̚̚͘͠p̸̡̛͚̻̺̥̘̟̀͑͋́́̔͒͝͝e̴̛̥͇̗̩̊̓̑̋͌͂͆̈́́̈́́̐͝͝ ̵̡͈̝̝͕̱͓͙̩̞͕̍͑̿͜M̶̙͖͙̬͎̣̮͒͆̾̊͝F̷̛̘͈̤̯̳̭͚̜̮̭͕̬̑͗̈́̐́̆͗͘ͅ is not a good wingman, by the way. regardless, the three two friends were ready and raring to take on anything the world held for them.

wait... what was that...? why couldn't you... remember... Oh! Rope MF! How's my bestie doing?

Anyway, the 3(?̵͖̮͉͇͂̈͘) once were tasked with finding a way to stop Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura for good, the tree was growing in power by the day. so they headed over to the place, wadhat insisting they may be able to just talk it out. They were met with Magolor 2 standing guard, who proceeded to accidently explain Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura's entire motivation of being the last remaining plantlife. oh. oops. well at least they don't know that Sussy knows more info about this- ah shit there they go. So they went to visit Sussy. Sussy had wallowed in loneliness for centuries by this point, and had made no progress in rebuilding Haltmann Co. She explained that before they had arrived, the land was lush with greenery, and that they were the reason for Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura's rise. before they left, she asked them a favor, and thankfully, she never booted back up.

Armed with this knowledge, the crew went to local royal scientist duo The Ranza and Mark. in the middle of their discussion, Rope MF disappeared. The Ranza and Mark noticed, and noticed that Waddle Hat weirdly didn't remember Rope MF at all, when asking Sapphilis about this behaviour, she explained that sometimes Rope MF just disappears in thin air, and when he's not there, not Waddle Hat or anyone else can recall of his existance until hes back again. The Ranza ran some tests with the dimensional mirror, and sure enough confirmed, Rope MF was hopping between universes, seemingly at random, between this universe, and what seemed to be his home world, with things drastically different. as they spoke, Rope MF reappeared and asked if they wanted rope info. they did not. Waddle Hat, in fact, was devistated. Her friend had been escaping her memory without her even realizing? What kind of bestie does that make her?? What is Rope MF never comes back and she can never remember her best friend ever again??? what was that thing in her hand...? oh. Rope MF gave her a rope to help her calm down. ...she hugged Rope MF with tears in her eyes, begging him to not leave, she doesnt wanna risk losing him forever. ...wait. what was she crying about again....?

After a look of pity from everyone else in the room, Mark explained there was more to all of this than the group had thought. In Rope MFs excessive dimension hopping, he had not only weakened the structural integrity of this dimention, but also caught the attention of a certain figure. Mropho. the name sent chills down Sapphilis's spine. he explained that they held life and death in their hands, they caused his descent, and turned him into... a ghost. turns out, he didnt get out of Kirder's attack unharmed, and his yellow and red eyes were like a cattle brand of the figures existence. all of a sudden, a horrific roar had echoed through the sky. Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura was launching a full on siege of the castle! they all ran outside to see the giant monster tree wrecking havoc on the palace effortlessly, nothing was able to take Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura down, Kirder had fallen. Mark yelled to the 3, exclaiming that if they trust him, jump into Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura's mouth, that's how they will manage to get to Mropho. after a moment of hesitation, the 3 held hand and jumped in.

The new space, somewhere between life and death, was black and twisting, like a wretched oil, with bright singular flames flickering and licking at existence around them, aloft in the air. A tall figure sat on a throne, and introduced themselves as Mropho, though, they prefer the name Mr. Opho. they revealed everything, they were the one to exterminate plantlife, to let Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura rise in power, to leave Mark a ghost, Magolor 2 fooled, The Ranza widowed, Sussy alone, and Sapphilis trapped, for figuring out their existance. He speaks.

"you know, life is not a tree. life is a fire. one that can burn bright and consume, or one that can burn out with naught but a whimper. but that is all. a fire can either be alive or dead. yet you…" he gestures to rope mf "you are different. every single flame in this space represents the life of someone, in your joke of a universe. as example." they bring forth a fire that shows Yggdrasil, Crown of Natura within its embers. and crush it in his hand. "gone. with but a motion of my hand. your flame is within here as well, but it doesnt dissipate. it simply disappears and reappears later. as the being controlling these flames, you can imagine how much that would infuriate me. but then i thought. if i, a being so close to godliness that i control the concept of life itself, cannot get my hands on you, then you must be even stronger. the only TRULY free being in existence. what changes have you made? what have you done with your power? have you kept me in charge from sloth? intrigue? listen to me. you are a powerful, POWERFUL being. and you sit next to a false god and a simple npc girl? when you can have me at your every beck and call? perhaps control over more than just life and death? time and space itself??" rope mf doesnt answer. mr opho glares at them all. "well then. i suggest you leave, your highness. before i do this." large fiery butterfly wings sprout from his back and flap forward, extinguishing every fire in the room, but 3. wadhat, sapphilis, and rope mf stand alone in their fight. alone as they ever did. opho speaks again. "hm. you defy me. let's make this fight one that the souls will be cheering on for an epoch." he summons a flaming sword and dashes at them.

as they fight against the god, Rope MF defends Waddle Hat from every blow, and she does the same. Sapphilis sees this pieces together something, and pulls Wadhat aside. Rope MF only comes to this universe for Waddle Hat, his best friend. If Rope MF isn't here, Mr. Opho can't use him to gain even more power. but for Rope MF not to be here... Sapphilis and Waddle Hat give a loving, determined, tear filled nod to each other, and call Rope MF over, telling him to take Waddle Hat back to his home. with help from Sapphilis, the two managed to pass through a portal to Rope MFs world. Mr. Opho furiously chases after them, reaching for the supposed god he both obsessed over and despised. but the realm had taken too much damage, cutting the connection and shattering mr opho across the multiverse.

Sapphilis sat alone, in her true form, not burdened with the colors of that beast, and with all her powers returned, if not weakened. she wondered and she wandered. what was she to do...? should she attempt to rebuild the world and rule over it better than he did? no. she learned from Sussy that was but a path to misery. she remember'd she had her own dimensional properties before Mropho imprisoned her way back when... so she trained.

Days became weeks became months became years as Sapphilis honed her abilities.

Eventually, the universe ran empty.

...

TEE HEE I LOVE MAKING SERIOUS LORE FOR JOKE OCS!!!!!!!

sry for the later release, i meant to post this on my birthday (jan 11) but i was busy with, yknow, my birthday (jan 11), but 38 minutes late aint bad right?

#THE KIRBY AU EVER (stylized as “the kirby au ever.”)#wadhat #waddle hat #waddle dee with a hat #rope mf #kirby oc #kirby au #mr opho #fecto sapphilis #kirder kirbyauever #met nit kirbyauever #the queen kirbyauever #mark kirbyauever #magolor 2 #sussy kirbyauever #the ranza kirbyauever #yggdrasil crown of natura

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